Lost & Found

 Each May, at my daughter's school, there's a six-foot table outside the office, covered with items that have been left behind.  Jackets, water bottles, notebooks and shoes--all hoping to be reunited with their owners before the year comes to a close.  Lost & Found.  

The past six--almost seven--months have been a different kind of Lost & Found.  The pandemic has caused a lot of loss.  And the pandemic has helped us find things, too.  Contradictory indeed; a hallmark of these recent times.  

Since March, I've felt--like I'm sure many of you have, too--a constant push and pull of my emotions.  On more than  one occasion, I've argued with myself and changed my opinion on a topic in the middle of a sentence!  It's enough to give me whiplash.  That's an apt description, don't you think?  The emotional whiplash that comes from making, unmaking and remaking decisions in a 15 minute span.  Or the emotional whiplash that comes from knowing you're doing the right thing, doubting you're doing the right thing and not even being sure what the right thing is.  It's exhausting.

The list of things lost is long.  I recently challenged myself to make a list of things found--and have it be every bit as long!  In fairness, it took a bit of effort to reframe my perspective and write that second list.  But once I started thinking about it, I found myself adding quite a bit to that list.  And focusing more on it, too.  

Of course, there are the obvious things we found like bonus time with family.  Sure.  That's a given.  We've had a whole lot of togetherness--mostly welcome.  Come on, you know what I mean! 

We've had time together in simple but impactful ways.  Dinners as a family--at the table!  Walks through the neighborhood and on the local trails--all four of us.  Plenty of hands of Harry Potter Uno, rounds of Scrabble and imaginative play that we suddenly had time for because we weren't rushing off to a practice, game or lesson.  At one point this spring, my Mom asked my older daughter what her favorite part of quarantine was.  Abby barely let my Mom finish the question before she enthusiastically responded, "Family dinners!"  Proof that sometimes it's the smallest thing that can have the biggest impact.

We found a renewed appreciation for our home.  The comfort and familiarity of it, the warmth, safety and security.  Cozy nights snuggled in the Big Bed or in front of the fireplace proved to be a welcome remedy for the sadness over missing school, friends and activities that crept in.

Then came warmer months when the deck, yard and pool earned their time at the top of the Things I Love About Home list!  Our quiet cul-de-sac became a race track, a shopping center, a water park and more as our girls played for hours with the neighbors. Again, imaginations went into overdrive, providing countless adventures for all of them.  My younger daughter mastered her bicycle, the extra time dedicated to riding helping her to ditch the training wheels once and for all.  Popsicles were served at all hours, shade from trees offered a perfect picnic spot and the amount of chalk art that festooned our driveway was incredible!

     

Plain driveways are so boring!

The pool!  Oh the pool!  The very same pool that I wasn't sure I even wanted way back when we first got it proved to be a sanctuary.  And while that word may seem a bit strong, or a bit of an overstatement, I can assure you that it's accurate.  After a stressful day "at" work (the dining room table for me), an hour or so splashing around before dinner was the perfect way to switch gears and be present for my family.  That pool was a welcome distraction from events and celebrations we were missing.  It was relaxation, fun and a slice of normal when we all needed those three things in large amounts! 

Pool Girls!

We found quiet moments to reflect on what truly matters.  Trite?  Perhaps.  True?  For sure.  Date night no longer meant dinner and drinks out at a restaurant, but instead it was a beer on the deck when the girls had gone to bed or binge watching a newfound favorite on Netflix.  Movie nights outside (thanks to neighbors with a cool set up) and bonfires slowed the pace down and helped let priorities bubble up.  And somehow, those moments seemed sweeter than any fancy dinner out and about.    

Who needs a theatre!?

We found ways to do more with less.  Less stuff, less activities, less spending, less chaos.  We took the time to sort and purge and eliminate files, clothes, just stuff---realizing that we have too much and need far less.  For the girls, it was a meaningful lesson in paying it forward and helping those in need by paying it forward.

We found that driveway visits and FaceTime aren't really adequate substitutes for time with family.  But we found that we were grateful to at least have that.  Whether it was BINGO via Zoom with family across 4 states, FaceTime story time before bed, Teams meetings with colleagues in other markets or online classes technology offered us opportunities to connect with people we were missing fiercely.  

Certainly I'm not advocating that we minimize or marginalize the LOST pieces.  They deserve our attention, too.  It's only fair to feel the feelings we have about those LOST things.  It stings.  And it's hard.  And it's sad, frustrating and unfair.  All of that is true.

It's also true that by giving our attention to what we've FOUND, it helps heal the wounds of the things LOST.  Each day, I try to add something to the FOUND section of the list.  I invite you to do the same.  

xo,

Amy