Imperfect Action....and a whole lotta thoughts!

When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I made my First Holy Communion.  We learned about Confession.  And it started with, "Bless me Father for I have sinned.  It has been x amount of time since my last Confession." 

So, today, with full-on Catholic guilt and phrases borrowed from a long time ago, I pick up a pen and paper (metaphorically-speaking) and dive back into this blog.  I like to think you've been waiting for me, therefore, expecting an apology, so please---accept this one:  I'm sorry.  Or better yet, "Bless me, Reader for I have slacked.  It has been waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy too long since my last blog entry that didn't include food."  Please feel free to suggest a penance I should do to return to your good graces.  Maybe something like three Hail Marys, an Our Father and four blog posts.  Gotcha.

I like to think you've missed me.  I like to think you've checked back often, only to walk away from the keyboard, head hung low, a sigh an exasperated sigh of "still nothing from her" exhaled from your mouth.  You'll let me think that, won't you?  Thanks.  See?  I knew I liked you!

And because I like you, fair warning!  Due to the gigantic span between posts, this entry could easily get away from me---and it might.  It very well may become a post that winds around like a back country road.  And if it does, I'll do my best to dot the landscape with pretty scenery to enjoy as you ride shotgun for this one.

I promised a blog about the birth of our second daughter, Alyssa Jane.  I promised the whole story and all the fun details.  And then I started writing it.  In between feedings and diapers and sleeping, I made notes and outlined the basic beginning, middle and end.  And those notes stayed safely hidden in my journal.  They weren't hidden for any reason other than the immense pressure I put on myself to capture the story just right.  I wanted to make sure I shared enough, but not too much.  I wanted to offer insight but not minutia.  
 

Alyssa Jane is here!

I realized I was stalling on writing this story.  I was stalling like my 5 year old stalls some nights at bedtime.  One more cup of water--one more draft.  One more story--one more re-read.  I was stalling because this would be the last "How My Baby Came Into the World" story I would write.  At least the last one starring me. 

The weight of that was not lost on my post-pregnancy hormonal brain.  So I stalled.  I pulled a "head in the sand makes it not exist" trick and I simply didn't write it.  And I'm here to tell you (spoiler alert!) that not writing Alyssa's story did not slow down time, did not change the finality of the situation and it really didn't change a darn thing, as a matter of fact!

At 2:44pm on Wednesday, July 23, 2014 we joyfully welcomed a 7 pound, 13 ounce baby girl.  "Two for two," is how Mark put it as the doctor invited him to peek over the curtain and see our baby for the first time.  We named her Alyssa Jane and we all fell in love before our hearts took a second beat.  Abby was the first person, other than Mark and the medical crew, to meet her.  She came around the corner into the recovery room, holding Mark's hand with a look on her face that was a mixture of tentative and determined.  She took one look at Alyssa's pink cap and turned to me, hands clasped and said, "I knew in my heart Sprout was a Sister, Mama."  Don't even ask if I kept it together.  You know the answer to that one!

In a twist that only God could manufacture, Alyssa not only waited (as she was asked!) until after Abby's birthday to arrive (so what that it was only 2 days!), but she was born on Mark's Grandmother's birthday.  And Abby was born on my Gram's birthday.  The same doctor who delivered Abby was on call and delivered Alyssa.  I couldn't script it any better, really.

Our Family of FOUR

Okay, that wasn't so hard.  Sure, there are probably more details I could share---like how this time around, I actually got a decent night's sleep and even a shower before we left for the hospital.  Or how we sat in the registration area waiting for a room to become available and Abby got antsy.  Of course, the minute she and my Mom went for a walk, the nurses called me back.  I waddled as quickly as I could (which wasn't all that quick!) trying to find them.  

The immensity of that moment came at me with a force; it was the last moment I'd have with her as my only kiddo, our family on the verge of going from 3 to 4.  I wish I could say that I had something profound to whisper into her ear as I hugged her, but I'm sure I said something silly like, "Please behave and don't forget to wash your hands before you have a snack."  Always the Mom, right?  Hey, hospitals are germy places. 

I could share all of that, but I won't. I will share, instead, that Alyssa Jane turned 8 months old yesterday and I can break out any number of cliches about how quickly time flew and how she's growing so quickly and all that jazz.  I can.  But I won't. 

She is a blessing beyond measure and the way her sweet face lights up when Abby comes into the room is nothing short of breathtaking.  I was fully prepared for some adjustment issues; what I did not anticipate was Abby insisting that Alyssa join us for everything, everywhere at every moment.  I tried carving out time for the two of us to do something special while Alyssa napped; Abby would turn to me and say, "No thanks, Mama.  I'll sit here and watch her sleep."  And she did. 

Shortly after Alyssa was born, Abby started (gulp) Kindergarten.  Talk about being fully prepared for some adjustment issues.  Wow!  Abby went from school 4 days a week, about 3 hours a day to a full day, full week schedule at a new school with all new kids.  I braced for tears on the first day; neither of us shed any.  I braced myself for troubles with the long day; there were none (although a few times, when someone would ask Abby how Kindergarten was going, she would reply, "It's from 9 to 3.").  Proving to me, and probably to herself, that she was ready for this step, Abby confidently threw herself into her new routine with a smile and energy that makes a Mama proud.

Such expectation....

 

Quiet snoozing on Mama!

I rushed back to work after Abby was born; six weeks.  I still regret that.  I never imagined I would have time to sit and stare at a newborn again.  It's a lot harder to do that when there's another kiddo who is asking for--and deserves--your attention.  But once again, God came through and allowed me those special one on one moments with Alyssa.  Not only did I extend my maternity leave, but I had 5 days a week where Abby was at school (from 9 to 3, remember!?).  I watched Alyssa sleep.  I stared at her chubby fingers and sweet little ears.  I walked laps around the downstairs of my house, holding her to me and inhaling her sweet baby smell.  I sat in our family rocking chair and nursed her in total quiet.  I had those moments.  We took walks in the neighborhood and met friends for lunch.  We shared tummy time and nap time and mealtime and snuggle time. And those moments are treasures.



Since I last blogged, there've been other treasured moments, too.  Mark and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary.  I helped execute my 7th Heart Walk (where I met Kris Letang, Pascal Dupuis and Sidney Crosby, just sayin'!).  Mark and I ran The Great Race (2 months post C-section, thank you very much!  Ha!!) again.  We went apple picking and to the pumpkin patch.  We baptized Alyssa at our Church.  Alyssa enjoyed her first road trip to Philly and another to Bucknell to meet Jules.  We had two costumed girlies to Trick or Treat with.  We had our first Thanksgiving and Christmas as a family of four.  Mark and I both had birthdays and the girls had their half birthdays (yes, I'm crazy enough to make those big deals too!).  There have been sleepless nights and blowout diapers.  There have been parent/teacher conferences and enough artwork to cover 10,000 refrigerators.  There have been spontaneous smiles as I hear myself clarify which daughter I'm talking about--the smile of realization that I have two!  There have been challenges and blessings and a whole lot of togetherness for them all.

Memories in the Making

Joyfulness...Full Hearts

Even as I write this--and it's taken me entirely too long to hit PUBLISH--I'm reminded of a great story I heard recently about taking imperfect action.  The idea of not waiting until things are perfect (what is that?) or trying to force an idea into reality has stuck with me.  And so tonight, I hit the PUBLISH button and then SHARE and then POST. 

Then I take a step back--picture the Chefs on an episode of Chopped stepping away from their plates, hands up in surrender as the clock hits double zeros.  Perhaps there are thoughts unexpressed or concepts not fully explored.  Who said I had to get it all out in one post?  I did.  And that's just plain silly. 

So back I will be with more stories.  More changes to this blog.  More whatever.  Because that's what this is---it's whatever the mood calls for it to be in the moment.  You know, kind of like life.  Huh.  Funny how that works.

Cheers to you and thanks for stopping by!