21 Day Fix

This is not a new program.  It's not "hot off the press" and I was not among the very first to do it.  Nope.  I resisted.  See, I get you.  I'm like you.  Heck, I am you.  I'm the girl---the COACH, for crying out loud!---who hemmed and hawed and hesitated and made excuses.  I did.  Gosh that's not easy to admit.  But hey, we're all friends here, right?  And we speak the truth and we don't judge.  So.  Moving on.

Do you know what my biggest hesitation was?  These gosh darn little containers.  And really, not even so much the containers, but the idea of meal planning around them.  Mercy.  I was overwhelmed.  Remember---I'm the same girl who let spaghetti squash intimidate her.  We all have our quirks, right?  Sigh.

Everyone I spoke to about the program told me the same thing; they could not eat all of their containers at first. Re-read that.  This is a "diet" (it's not, but let's use that word for the sake of the point I'm making here) and people were saying they were unable to eat all the food.  Since when is that a thing?  What are we used to hearing?  "I'm starving.  I can't function without eating.  All I've had is a saltine and water."  Yeah, that's not how this goes down.  Or so I heard.

I also heard that the containers were a little confusing at first, but then someone learned that each container has (duh!) a precise measurement.  So rather than 1 purple or 2 reds, you know it's 1 cup and 3/4 of a cup.  Brilliant.  That might help some folks, right?  It did.  Again, so I heard.

Then there were the workouts.  I heard that Autumn was really sweet, super spunky and motivational.  And she will Kick. Your. Butt.  In 30 little minutes.  Or rather 30 sweat filled, hard-working, total body inclusive minutes.  Sweet and spunky my butt (which I need to get moving!). 

And then it happened.  I hit "that point" (you know the one---that mythical place you cannot see or predict that things change and suddenly ACTION is all you can think about) and I was ready to give in and try this program. 

Remember, I'm a Coach, so I'm in the business of helping others.  So reaching out for help myself was a little outside of my comfort zone.  Yeah.  Fun.  But I did, because action was all I could think about.  And results.  Because thoughts and feelings lead to actions and actions lead to results.  I was thinking and feeling a little sluggish, a little in need of a reboot and a lot in need of someone to help get me back on track.

I texted a fellow Coach and friend and laid it out there.  I hit send and I waited.  Within minutes, she responded with the tech equivalent of a high five and a meal plan.  Suddenly it did not look hard at all.  And I mean at all.  I was almost embarrassed that I had overcomplicated (shocker!) this whole thing and made myself crazy.  Remember--we're not judging, right?

As I would do with any of my Challengers, I took my BEFORE pictures and my measurements.  And I wasn't totally disgusted with what I found.  But that didn't matter.  I didn't need to be "there" to know that I wanted to be better.  And better I would become over 21 days.

Seriously, folks.  It's 21 days and the workouts are 30 minutes each.  Really.  If we can't all carve out that kind of time for ourselves, we've clearly got bigger issues.  Anyway....I stuck to the plan, I did the workouts and I started to notice changes.  They weren't huge, but they were noticeable and that motivated me.  Of course my Coach was there, too.  More than once she'd text me in support and offer reminders when my resolve weakened ever so slightly.

In three weeks, I lost 6 pounds and 6 inches (funny how that worked out).  But I gained a lot more.  I started and completed another program, I got back into the groove and I really paid attention to how and what I was eating.  Remember I said it's not a diet?  It's not.  It's a solid rebuild of our eating habits.  And that can (and should and has) last a whole lot longer than 21 Days.

None of us is perfect and none of us is immune to temptations, slip-ups and needing help.  I mean, my gosh, that's what keeps me going as a Coach; knowing that despite all of that, people are always looking to improve and begin writing new chapters.  And we're not immune to hesitations, either.  Whatever it is that's holding you back from trying something, from reaching out--I get it.  I totally understand.  I also know that wishing and waiting doesn't do a whole lot.  But taking action, now that's how things get done.  You're so much more capable than you might think you are.  Get out of your own way, give the excuses a well-deserved kick to the curb and get going.  We can get going together if you'd like! 

I not only rekindled my love of working out regularly, but my love of Coaching was reinvigorated with this awesome program.  So excited that it's on promo pricing until the end of the month* so I can, hopefully, introduce you to it as well.

Oh yeah, those pictures I took....I'll share those, too.  Why not?  I am most certainly a work in progress and I am always happy to share the journey.  There's room for you to march along in the Progress Parade, too.  Let me know...


*June, 2015

My daughter joined in, too!  Lead by example!

Pasta 'n Shrimp FIX Style! Innnnnnnnnndeed!

I know I've not done a super fantastic (or even super. or even fantastic. or even fair, really) job of sharing my 21 Day Fix story.  And I will.  I should.  I mean, it's nothing earth shattering, except that it kind of is.  No, I didn't lose a gazillion pounds and no I'm not totally shredded.  But we'll get to that in another post.

What I can, and will, share now is a 21 Day Fix-approved recipe that went over really well.  With everyone in our house.  Even the babe had a taste--and gave it a drooly endorsement.  I did not disclose, upfront, that this was a meal from a "diet" partially because I really didn't see it that way and partially because I didn't want eye rolls.  

What I did want--and got-- was a positive response to this yummy dinner.  And THEN I hit 'em with the fact that it's on the plan.  Speechless.  And I did a victory lap around the kitchen.  That's when I got the eye rolls.

But whatever.  Alright, enough pretense.  Here's the deal!!

What You'll Do:1 cup of whole grain penne 2 yellow
6 large or jumbo shrimp, uncooked (fresh or thawed if frozen)  1 red
Mrs. Dash seasoning, pinch
1 teaspoon of coconut oil (or olive oil)  1 spoon
5 asparagus, chopped  0.5 green
Cherry tomatoes, halved  0.5 green*
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 teaspoon of red pepper flakes (optional)
Lemon juice
1 tablespoon of crumbled goat cheese  0.5 blue

What You'll Do:Remove the shells and/or tails from the shrimp and season with a large pinch of Mrs. Dash seasoning.
Cook the whole grain penne according to the package directions.

While the pasta is cooking…
Heat 1 teaspoon of coconut oil over a medium heat. Add the chopped asparagus. Sauté for 3 minutes. Add the halved tomatoes, minced garlic and red pepper flakes (optional) and sauté for 1 more minute.
Add the shrimp and a squirt of lemon juice. Cook for 2-3 minutes until shrimp is pink and fully cooked, flipping the shrimp over halfway through.

Drain the whole grain penne and add to the skillet.

Top with the crumbled goat cheese.

The warmth of the pasta and shrimp causes the goat cheese to get a little creamier and gives the impression of sauce without being super heavy.  Mmm.  My mouth is watering.  And Abby just walked in and saw the picture and said, "Mama, is that what we're having for dinner tonight?  Please, please, please?"  She was less than thrilled when I told her we weren't having this.  Tonight.  But guess what may have just earned a spot in the rotation for later in the week?  Yup!

You almost don't need a salad with this since there are so many veggies in there, but you certainly could throw one together if your heart desires.  And heaven knows we don't always get enough veggies.  So what the heck?  Go for it!

Enjoy, and thanks for stopping by!  Be sure to let me know if there's something you'd like me to write about....I feel a couple guest blogger posts coming your way soon.  Stay tuned for that!
 
*Hubs isn't a huge fan of tomatoes, so we swapped in some roasted red peppers

Lemon + Basil + Porkchops

Once again, I've neglected my blog....it's sad and in need of some attention.  And that makes me crazy because I have a zillion ideas for posts, and several started....but not as much time as I'd like to flesh them all out.

So, what do I do?  Post a recipe of course.  I mean....if you haven't figured out that I'm all about food yet, well....I can't help you. 

I'm on Day #2 of a Three Day Cleanse* so planning out my menu for the week was a bit cruel.  I've talked before about PWH (Pinning While Hungry) and how deadly that can be.  Well, try PWC (Pinning While Cleansing) and I was ready to take a bite out of my iPad.  I didn't--I have some level of restraint (but not much!).

In any event, I came across this gem of a recipe (thanks, bitzandgiggles.com) and between the pictures, the ingredients and the simplicity, I was sold.  And I'm sharing it here, now, with you in the hopes that you'll enjoy it, too.  These are slated to hit the grill on Wednesday night.  Add some brown rice and veggies and I think this has a real shot of being added to the "Make Again" pile.

To help save time, I may make up the wet rub on Tuesday night and add it to the chops when I get home on Wednesday, giving it the 20 minutes to absorb while I change clothes and visit with the girls.  Who's thinking ahead, eh?

Lemon Basil Grilled Pork Chops

Yields 4

What You'll Need:

4 thick-cut, boneless pork loin chops
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 cup fresh basil leaves, minced
3 tablespoons minced garlic
3 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon sea salt
3/4 teaspoon pepper

What You'll Do:
Add olive oil, basil, garlic, lemon juice, salt and pepper to a bowl and mix well.
Spread both sides of the pork chops with the mixture and let the chops set for about 20 minutes.
Grill chops over direct heat for about 5-6 minutes per side or until the internal temperature reaches at least 145 degrees.
Let rest for 5 minutes before serving. 

*Three Day Cleanse with Shakeology is a fantastic way to kickstart some weight loss and/or get back on track after a little bit of over-indulgence.  Hey, it happens.  Even to Coaches.  If you're interested in learning more about it, I'll happily share my results and the method with you.  Heck, I can even get you product.  And believe me when I tell you this is not like "some" cleanses (if you know what I mean, and I bet you do!).

Brave on Easter

"You're brave," she said.  And no, I was not about to do anything spectacular like skydive or attempt to take Abby's beloved "Puppy" away from her so he could get a much needed bath.  I was "brave" (according to my Mom) because I tried not one, not two but THREE new recipes for Easter lunch.  If that qualifies me as brave, well then I guess I'll wear that mantel. 

And since they were all a success, I'll share them with you, too.  Buckle up, because here they come. 

The first--cleaned up hash brown potato casserole.  Not a lick of butter (sorry, Paula Deen) or cream of chemical soup.  I saw that and figured I'd give them a whirl.  Yes, you know I do my best to eat clean most of the time.  I do.  I really do.  And there's all that 80/20 talk, too.  I knew I was making a carrot cake for dessert, so I decided to clean and lighten up where I could so that a piece of that cake could be in my plan.  And it was.  Oh, it was!!!

What You'll Need1 bag (20 oz) frozen shredded Hash Browns
1 cup Greek Yogurt
1/4 cup low-sodium broth (i used veggie..chicken would be fine too)
1/4 cup 2% Milk  (use at least 2%….need the fat to work as a binder)
1 heaping T good grainy mustard
1/3 onion (i used red…whatever you have on hand) grated in for juice, then dice a bit up
2-3 cloves minced garlic (or you can grate this in too)
1 tsp all purpose seasoning or Italian seasoning
1/2 tsp cracked black pepper
dash salt
1 cup shredded  cheese (i used a sharp cheddar….just don’t use low-fat, it won’t melt right and the consistency will be off)

What You'll Do
Mix all together in a bowl. 
Spray glass or ceramic dish…DO NOT USE METAL!!! Never use metal pans when working with yogurt!!! The acidity will affect the taste….not in a good way!
Pour in GLASS or CERAMIC dish and bake 350 for at least an hour.
I also topped mine with smoked sweet paprika before baking.  You could use chili powder, reg paprika, etc…(if you don’t have fresh garlic or onions you can substitute 1 tsp garlic powder and 1 tsp onion powder)


Next up, a delicious and really pretty salad.  The recipe serves 4, so I doubled it to feed our guests...and there was plenty!

What You'll Need:

8 asparagus spears—ends cut off and halved

10 green beans—halved

1 cup frozen fava (broad) beans (I used lima beans)

1 small carrot—peeled and sliced into thin rounds

1½ cups cherry tomatoes—halved

½ yellow pepper —cut into thin strips

½ zucchini—halved lengthwise and thinly sliced into half moons

3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

1½ tablespoons lemon juice

1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh basil

½ clove garlic—minced

¼ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

What You'll Do:
Bring a pot of water to the boil.
Add the asparagus, green beans and fava beans and cook for 3 minutes.
Immediately drain and toss into a pot of ice water for a few minutes, then place the asparagus and green beans in a salad bowl.
Peel the fava beans (by removing the leathery outer skins) and add to the same bowl with the carrot, cherry tomatoes, yellow pepper and zucchini.
Combine the olive oil, lemon juice, basil, garlic, salt and pepper in a screw-top jar and shake well to combine.
Toss the salad ingredients gently with the dressing just before serving.







And finally, a fantastic and super easy fruit dip.  I made this on Saturday, and I think it gave the flavors a good chance to develop.  Yum!

What You'll Need:
4 ounces low fat cream cheese, softened
1 cup plain non fat Greek yogurt
3 tablespoons powdered sugar
2 teaspoons lemon zest
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract (optional; I skipped it---okay, I forgot it!)
Strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, graham crackers for serving

What You'll Do: In the bowl of a stand mixer or using a hand mixer, beat together the softened cream cheese and yogurt until creamy and completely combined.
Add in the powdered sugar, lemon zest, lemon juice, and vanilla extract and beat again until thoroughly combined and creamy, about 3 minutes.
Cover and chill until ready to serve.
Serve with strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, or graham crackers for dipping.

I went with berries only (saving room for the cake, remember?!), but I could see this with mini vanilla wafers, too.  It was light, fresh and easy!  

And that, my friends, is how I managed to clean up Easter AND make room for a little piece of carrot cake.  Hey, that has veggies in it, too, right?  So it can sorta count as healthy.....come on, help a girl out!

Imperfect Action....and a whole lotta thoughts!

When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I made my First Holy Communion.  We learned about Confession.  And it started with, "Bless me Father for I have sinned.  It has been x amount of time since my last Confession." 

So, today, with full-on Catholic guilt and phrases borrowed from a long time ago, I pick up a pen and paper (metaphorically-speaking) and dive back into this blog.  I like to think you've been waiting for me, therefore, expecting an apology, so please---accept this one:  I'm sorry.  Or better yet, "Bless me, Reader for I have slacked.  It has been waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy too long since my last blog entry that didn't include food."  Please feel free to suggest a penance I should do to return to your good graces.  Maybe something like three Hail Marys, an Our Father and four blog posts.  Gotcha.

I like to think you've missed me.  I like to think you've checked back often, only to walk away from the keyboard, head hung low, a sigh an exasperated sigh of "still nothing from her" exhaled from your mouth.  You'll let me think that, won't you?  Thanks.  See?  I knew I liked you!

And because I like you, fair warning!  Due to the gigantic span between posts, this entry could easily get away from me---and it might.  It very well may become a post that winds around like a back country road.  And if it does, I'll do my best to dot the landscape with pretty scenery to enjoy as you ride shotgun for this one.

I promised a blog about the birth of our second daughter, Alyssa Jane.  I promised the whole story and all the fun details.  And then I started writing it.  In between feedings and diapers and sleeping, I made notes and outlined the basic beginning, middle and end.  And those notes stayed safely hidden in my journal.  They weren't hidden for any reason other than the immense pressure I put on myself to capture the story just right.  I wanted to make sure I shared enough, but not too much.  I wanted to offer insight but not minutia.  
 

Alyssa Jane is here!

I realized I was stalling on writing this story.  I was stalling like my 5 year old stalls some nights at bedtime.  One more cup of water--one more draft.  One more story--one more re-read.  I was stalling because this would be the last "How My Baby Came Into the World" story I would write.  At least the last one starring me. 

The weight of that was not lost on my post-pregnancy hormonal brain.  So I stalled.  I pulled a "head in the sand makes it not exist" trick and I simply didn't write it.  And I'm here to tell you (spoiler alert!) that not writing Alyssa's story did not slow down time, did not change the finality of the situation and it really didn't change a darn thing, as a matter of fact!

At 2:44pm on Wednesday, July 23, 2014 we joyfully welcomed a 7 pound, 13 ounce baby girl.  "Two for two," is how Mark put it as the doctor invited him to peek over the curtain and see our baby for the first time.  We named her Alyssa Jane and we all fell in love before our hearts took a second beat.  Abby was the first person, other than Mark and the medical crew, to meet her.  She came around the corner into the recovery room, holding Mark's hand with a look on her face that was a mixture of tentative and determined.  She took one look at Alyssa's pink cap and turned to me, hands clasped and said, "I knew in my heart Sprout was a Sister, Mama."  Don't even ask if I kept it together.  You know the answer to that one!

In a twist that only God could manufacture, Alyssa not only waited (as she was asked!) until after Abby's birthday to arrive (so what that it was only 2 days!), but she was born on Mark's Grandmother's birthday.  And Abby was born on my Gram's birthday.  The same doctor who delivered Abby was on call and delivered Alyssa.  I couldn't script it any better, really.

Our Family of FOUR

Okay, that wasn't so hard.  Sure, there are probably more details I could share---like how this time around, I actually got a decent night's sleep and even a shower before we left for the hospital.  Or how we sat in the registration area waiting for a room to become available and Abby got antsy.  Of course, the minute she and my Mom went for a walk, the nurses called me back.  I waddled as quickly as I could (which wasn't all that quick!) trying to find them.  

The immensity of that moment came at me with a force; it was the last moment I'd have with her as my only kiddo, our family on the verge of going from 3 to 4.  I wish I could say that I had something profound to whisper into her ear as I hugged her, but I'm sure I said something silly like, "Please behave and don't forget to wash your hands before you have a snack."  Always the Mom, right?  Hey, hospitals are germy places. 

I could share all of that, but I won't. I will share, instead, that Alyssa Jane turned 8 months old yesterday and I can break out any number of cliches about how quickly time flew and how she's growing so quickly and all that jazz.  I can.  But I won't. 

She is a blessing beyond measure and the way her sweet face lights up when Abby comes into the room is nothing short of breathtaking.  I was fully prepared for some adjustment issues; what I did not anticipate was Abby insisting that Alyssa join us for everything, everywhere at every moment.  I tried carving out time for the two of us to do something special while Alyssa napped; Abby would turn to me and say, "No thanks, Mama.  I'll sit here and watch her sleep."  And she did. 

Shortly after Alyssa was born, Abby started (gulp) Kindergarten.  Talk about being fully prepared for some adjustment issues.  Wow!  Abby went from school 4 days a week, about 3 hours a day to a full day, full week schedule at a new school with all new kids.  I braced for tears on the first day; neither of us shed any.  I braced myself for troubles with the long day; there were none (although a few times, when someone would ask Abby how Kindergarten was going, she would reply, "It's from 9 to 3.").  Proving to me, and probably to herself, that she was ready for this step, Abby confidently threw herself into her new routine with a smile and energy that makes a Mama proud.

Such expectation....

 

Quiet snoozing on Mama!

I rushed back to work after Abby was born; six weeks.  I still regret that.  I never imagined I would have time to sit and stare at a newborn again.  It's a lot harder to do that when there's another kiddo who is asking for--and deserves--your attention.  But once again, God came through and allowed me those special one on one moments with Alyssa.  Not only did I extend my maternity leave, but I had 5 days a week where Abby was at school (from 9 to 3, remember!?).  I watched Alyssa sleep.  I stared at her chubby fingers and sweet little ears.  I walked laps around the downstairs of my house, holding her to me and inhaling her sweet baby smell.  I sat in our family rocking chair and nursed her in total quiet.  I had those moments.  We took walks in the neighborhood and met friends for lunch.  We shared tummy time and nap time and mealtime and snuggle time. And those moments are treasures.



Since I last blogged, there've been other treasured moments, too.  Mark and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary.  I helped execute my 7th Heart Walk (where I met Kris Letang, Pascal Dupuis and Sidney Crosby, just sayin'!).  Mark and I ran The Great Race (2 months post C-section, thank you very much!  Ha!!) again.  We went apple picking and to the pumpkin patch.  We baptized Alyssa at our Church.  Alyssa enjoyed her first road trip to Philly and another to Bucknell to meet Jules.  We had two costumed girlies to Trick or Treat with.  We had our first Thanksgiving and Christmas as a family of four.  Mark and I both had birthdays and the girls had their half birthdays (yes, I'm crazy enough to make those big deals too!).  There have been sleepless nights and blowout diapers.  There have been parent/teacher conferences and enough artwork to cover 10,000 refrigerators.  There have been spontaneous smiles as I hear myself clarify which daughter I'm talking about--the smile of realization that I have two!  There have been challenges and blessings and a whole lot of togetherness for them all.

Memories in the Making

Joyfulness...Full Hearts

Even as I write this--and it's taken me entirely too long to hit PUBLISH--I'm reminded of a great story I heard recently about taking imperfect action.  The idea of not waiting until things are perfect (what is that?) or trying to force an idea into reality has stuck with me.  And so tonight, I hit the PUBLISH button and then SHARE and then POST. 

Then I take a step back--picture the Chefs on an episode of Chopped stepping away from their plates, hands up in surrender as the clock hits double zeros.  Perhaps there are thoughts unexpressed or concepts not fully explored.  Who said I had to get it all out in one post?  I did.  And that's just plain silly. 

So back I will be with more stories.  More changes to this blog.  More whatever.  Because that's what this is---it's whatever the mood calls for it to be in the moment.  You know, kind of like life.  Huh.  Funny how that works.

Cheers to you and thanks for stopping by!

 

 



 

One Pot Wonder...for real?

Remember how I've often lamented about my dangerous "Pinning While Hungry" habit?  Well, I recently decided to purge some pins and, well, I found that I had pinned this one more than once (I will not confirm the exact number, but it was enough to make me think that Pinterest should invent a "Really, AGAIN?" feature.  But I digress....).  I could make fun of myself for pinning something multiple times, but I'll take it as a win that the pin was at least a healthy dinner and not an overly-indulgent dessert.  Points?  Anyone?  Guess not.  Anyway....I also had one that was really similar to this, so, of course, I HAD to put one  of them on the menu, right? 

This particular hit the table one night last week and it made plenty.  We still have some leftovers and I already took one serving to work for lunch.  Newsflash; it tastes just as good on day #2 as it did fresh from the skillet.  Annnnnnnnnnnnnd, it lived up to the multiple pin status.  Praise the food Gods.

It came together pretty quickly.  Yes, that's a recurring theme to a lot of my posts about food (and the fact that they're all about food these days) and I'm totally okay with that.  When I know I can get something yummy and healthy on the table quickly after a long day so I have more time for fun stuff, I'm all in.  Why not?

Orzo beef skillet recipe
Serves 4

What You'll Need:

• 1 pound ground beef  (we used ground turkey to lean it out a bit more)
• 1/2 a large yellow onion, chopped
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes with their juice
• 1/2 cup chicken or beef broth  (we used chicken)
• 1/2 cup water
• 8 ounces orzo
• 1/2 teaspoon Italian seasoning
• Salt and pepper
• 4 cups chopped kale or baby spinach (went with fresh spinach that I roughly chopped)
• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

 

What You'll Do:

• Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat.
• Add beef and onions to the pan and cook until the beef is browned and the onions have softened.
• Add the garlic to the pan and cook for 30 seconds, until fragrant.
• Add the tomatoes, broth, water, orzo and seasoning.
• Mix everything together, bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer and cook covered for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally until the orzo is fully cooked.
• Stir in the chopped kale/spinach until wilted.
• Top with the Parmesan cheese and serve.
  
  We all agreed that this was light, yet filling, and made for a pretty easy preparation and clean up.  So yes, it goes in the Make Again pile (along with several other versions of the same recipe...sigh!).
  
  Enjoy!

Advice from an Unlikely Source

I've been driving Mark's car lately which spoils me with heated seats, a sunroof (guess which one I've used more) and satellite radio!  About a week ago, Howard Stern hosted Pete Wentz, and I caught the interview on my drive to work.  I used to really dislike Howard Stern.  I thought he was vulgar and gross and made gratuitous comments about sex and whatnot.  And he still does...but he also does one hell of an interview.  And I like Fall Out Boy, so I tuned in and braced myself for raunchy comments about Ashlee Simpson or whatever else mixed in with interesting questions and insights.

What I was not prepared for was the statement that Pete made (like how I used his first name only, as if it's like that!?) about being authentic to yourself.  He talked of doing things that people can believe you would do.  It was in the context of interacting with fans through social media.  But it jumped out at me.

If you know the format on Howard's channels, they repeat the show.  Somehow I managed to catch this interview, this exact part, on three separate occasions.  Someone was really trying to get to me...point made, message received.

Why it resonated with me (aside from the fact that I felt that it must be directed towards me since I heard it three times!!) is because lately I've felt like I've been competing with someone---an invisible someone, a someone I created (clearly to stress myself out).

I found myself trying so hard to do things that other people were doing.  I found myself falling into the comparison trap---what an ugly place that is!---and struggling to see my own behaviors as worthwhile or valuable.  And not in a dark way, but in a "that's not enough" way.  Or "that's not what so-and-so is doing."  Yuck.  I got caught up trying to do things I thought I should do or thought others expected me to do.

Never expected to hear wisdom from Pete Wentz, I mean---I'm not one of those celebrity fan crazy people.  I don't hang on the very words they utter or keep tabs on their marriages, divorces, mansions etc.  I was listening because I think Howard does a great interview.  And here comes this simple but knock-me-over advice that struck a chord.

I would venture to guess that I'm not alone in that sensation.  The one that creeps up on you and slowly alters your behavior in subtle ways that you don't notice initially.  Then you look up and realize you're doing or saying things that aren't really you.

For me, being "less than authentic" came in the form of not being honest with people who really care about me. I was stressed out (who isn't?) and I was hiding it instead of sharing it.  I got wrapped up in not being "Debbie Downer" so I put on a smile, prayed for (and usually found) perspective and carried on about my day.  It was exhausting.  I was carrying the stress AND the energy to hide the stress (is this ridiculous or what?) so no one would know. And then I'd get irritated that no one was offering to help me.  Well duh...I was giving off the "I've got this, I'm fine" signal---why would anyone think to help me?  I mean, come on!

Anyway, I had a couple soul-bearing conversations with some very dear friends who helped me to see that (A) I was, in fact, being ridiculous and (B) asking and/or receiving a little help now and then does not make me a weak, incapable human being.  It makes me a human being.  Didn't Barbara Streisand sing a whole song about people needing people?  I digress.

Being authentic to myself, doing things that people would expect me to do can mean many things.  It can mean being the cheerful optimist.  It can mean being real about needing a helping hand or a pick-me-up.  It can mean stepping away when things seem to be too much.  It can mean opening up conversations about things that ignite my passion--even if it seems clunky initially.  It means saying NO to things that don't matter to ME and yes to those that do. 

Whatever shape it takes, the important thing is that my voice is true, my intentions are clear and AMY gets to shine through.  When my blog was just a "baby" I received one of the best compliments.  "Amy," my friend said, "Your posts are so great because I can read them and it's as if you're sitting next to me telling the story.  I can hear your voice." 

I want to get back to that.  Get back to my voice---saying what's true and right and me.  Since my blog is intended to be an extension of my life, this seems like as good a place as any to start.  What do you think?  Let me hear YOUR true voice.